Yesterday I was chatting with my co-worker, a woman in her 60’s who is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, and she said “you know I don’t mean to interfere, but since you and the cyclist* broke up you’ve been less stressed, less exhausted and you seem so much happier.”
And she’s not wrong.
Sunday morning I came to the same realization. I liked the cyclist, he was good looking, fun to hang out with, generous and kind. But truth be told he was so high maintenance. He was here all. the. time. When he wasn’t here he was texting, or calling, or I was doing things for when he was here, or so that I wouldn’t have to do them when he was here. Even when he came over and I would say “I have stuff to do, I’m happy you’re here, but you’ll have to entertain yourself” and he would still end up all over me… talking when I was trying to work, or asking for something… it was like taking care of a needy toddler, except he was a 46 year old man. And then there was the fact that he had the WORST bathroom habits of anyone I had ever met, worse then my 15yo son. And he was always asking me what was wrong. If I got out of bed in the middle of the night “what’s wrong”. If I got a water while watching tv “what’s wrong”. If I did anything he didn’t think I should be doing at that particular time “what’s wrong”. FFS NOTHING IS WRONG. I’M THIRSTY. I HAVE TO PEE. I NEED TO DO LAUNDRY. None of these things was a reflection on him, but he seemed to take it personally if I didn’t devote 100% of my attention to him.
So yes he ghosted. Yes that was a shitty thing to do. But it might have been the best thing he could have done for me. I don’t hate him. I just wish he had been man enough to have a conversation with me. The toddler thing makes a little more sense now.
I know now that one of the qualities I’ve enjoyed so much in past relationships is men who can entertain themselves, and give me the space to take care of the stuff I need to do, like going pee, and breathing. And when those things are done, I can focus on him.
FYI I happen to be going on a 12 hour wine tour this weekend, that he was supposed to be my date for. His ex-girlfriend is going as well. This. should. be. interesting.
* name changed to protect the innocent